LIVE your life to the fullest!!! If you want to honor him be there the real you, give up the liquor and the pills and be how you would want to be if you get the chance to see your friend again. if you want to do anything in honor of your friend who passed away in action. Just remember the best thing at this point in your life isn't to blame yourself but rather swear to live on for those who lost theirs. The fact that you inside want to make up for what you cannot. Shows that the real you hasn't been lost when you when you joined the military. The best thing you could take from telling her whats been on your mind since loosing that friend. The fact you still care about that friend you lost. The fact that your still that caring man she first fell in love with. Tell you the truth man if anything she probably just hugs you 10x as harder than before just knowing you got a real genuine heart. Everyone says war is bad yet no one or rarely does anyone actually tell the genuine horrors. As the honestly the most cowardly thing someone in or from the military can do is hide the horrors they went through as though its something to be ashamed of. If anything I think the fact you opened up to her at all about what happened would only make you seem more of a man.
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